somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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