im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
