I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
