great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
