I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
