I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Randomize
