It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
