He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
