its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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