so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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