You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Randomize
