I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
