I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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