i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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