Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I can tuck mytits in my pants
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
