...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Randomize
