Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
high people should be assigned attendants
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
