I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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