apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize