The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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