You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
