May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
operation harelip BJ is a go
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
