i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
