this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
