dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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