I didn't shave. On purpose
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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