Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
