She is in my trunk
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
