Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize