smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize