Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
