we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
