so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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