Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Randomize
