he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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