Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
