What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
