That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
