Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
