I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
apparently the secret to your success is patron
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Randomize
