'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
