idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
