i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
