Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
