My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
