I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
