We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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