i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
