there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
