I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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