I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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