how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Omg I joined a choir last night...
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
