Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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