do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
