I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Randomize
