dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
