My friends, they love my intelligence
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
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