I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
