dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
