He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
