they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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