Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
