that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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