I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
