omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
