well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize