If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
