Tell her she can't have a vagina
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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