Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
