If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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