I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
