Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
