You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
