this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
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