Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Randomize
