Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
