I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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