Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
